Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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