I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
