after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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