you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
