man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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