Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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