I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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