Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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