sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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