Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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