Fuck appropriateness.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
