I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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