I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
