Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
