He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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