So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
