First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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