Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
