They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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