im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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