If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
