I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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