Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
