You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please come you make the beer taste better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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