Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
