So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
