I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
