I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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