belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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