I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
