I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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