well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
