I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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