I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
