Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
