at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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