I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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