38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize