my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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