It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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