I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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