I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
