Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
