Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
