Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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