I accidentally had phone sex last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
