piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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