hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
