So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
