I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
