Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
