So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
