come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
