I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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