just tell him i said nine months
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
