u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize