ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
