She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
