The maid of honor just puked.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The Olympian is in my bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
