i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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