Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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