What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
