I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
