I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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