He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
