My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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