i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
