I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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