Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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