So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
